Introduction:
As the Easter holidays draw to a close, signalling the return to school for most of us, I find myself contemplating my role as a mother more intensely. This last week of the holidays has been a time of deep introspection for me. In the weeks leading up to this moment, I have found myself engaged in a daily struggle with my daughter, urging her to do her chores, tidy her room, and prepare for her upcoming exams. Yet, despite my efforts, it feels as though my words have fallen on deaf ears. Each encounter left me feeling frustrated and burdened, to the point where it has begun to weigh heavily on my mind. In the midst of this emotional turmoil, I couldn't help but ponder the notion that "hurt people hurt people"! Childhood trauma of my own relationship with my mother continue to hold strong and deep! Recently, a saying from my late father resurfaced in my thoughts: "A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger." Inspired by his wisdom, I am embarking on a journey to become a better role model for my daughter, and in this blog, I will share some of my personal reflections and discoveries so far.
Recognizing My Emotions and Triggers: To begin this journey of self-improvement, I first need to acknowledge and understand my own emotions and triggers. I have realised that my frustration stemmed from a place of deep concern and love for my daughter's well-being but I also need to recognise that she is a person too. By recognising and accepting my emotions, I feel I am able to respond to her in a more calm and measured manner.
Cultivating Empathy and Understanding: Empathy is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. I am making a conscious effort to put myself in my daughter's shoes, to truly understand the challenges and pressures she faces. This shift in perspective has allowed me to approach our interactions with greater compassion and more patience.
Choosing Words Wisely: My father's words about the power of a soft answer resonated deeply within me. Therefore I need to choose my words carefully, responding to my daughter's frustrations and resistance with better understanding. Instead of escalating tensions, I must seek to diffuse them, create an atmosphere conducive to open communication and problem-solving.
Active Listening and Validation: I realised that effective communication is a two-way street. I have always made communication an important element of our relationship but I now realise that I was doing it all wrong. Listening to respond is not the same as listening to understand and to actively listen to my daughter's thoughts, concerns, and frustrations without judgment is crucial. By offering her a safe space to express herself, I will be showing her that her feelings are valid and worthy of attention.
Leading by Example: I understand that my actions speak louder than words. To be a better role model, I need to embody the qualities and values I wished to instil in her. So I need to make a conscious effort to demonstrate responsibility, organization, and diligence in my own life, and in so doing she will be encouraged to follow suit.
Emphasizing Continuous Learning: Learning is a lifelong journey, and I want to instil in my daughter a love for knowledge and personal growth. I have always encouraged her to be curious, embracing new experiences, and to pursue her outside interests showing her that learning extends beyond the classroom. I will continue to do this but I going to look into an activity we could do together e.g. swimming.
Creating Quality Time and Shared Experiences: Bonding experiences are the building blocks of a strong relationship. I have been working throughout this Easter break and so not spent much quality time with my daughter at all. Over the next few days, I have intentionally carved out quality time, for us to engage in activities that we both enjoyed. Cause at the end of the day, life is so short and these shared experiences will only deepened our connection and fostered trust between us.
Conclusion:
So as the Easter holidays draw to a close, I am filled with hope and determination to nurture a stronger bond with my daughter. Through self-reflection, empathy, mindful communication, leading by example, and creating meaningful experiences, I am embarked on a journey to become a better mum. It is a personal and transformative process that requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to growth. "Its work in progress"! But I am determined to break the cycle of hurt and build a relationship with my daughter that surpasses my own experiences. Together, we can learn from each other as we navigate this path of love, understanding, and mutual support.